And now I know what it means. What he meant when he said "I just want to be a good friend." I thought that was a given, something that was understood, that didn't need to be put into words, but that makes sense. I never gave a thought to anything in my life, simply accepting whatever came my way, including her, at face value.
Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave this plain before I could make amends for the wrongs I had done? Did my poor karma spill over into his life until his spirit could take no more? Oh how many times I acted to the disappointment of others, motivated by some awkward sense of self preservation or pure selfishness. But I know what to do now and my purchase won't suffice. This is what it takes to make amends. All my other alternatives left with her, through her, in her. I will never be able to see my son, she turned into what I always knew her to be, what he knew her to be and I chose to ignore it.
This is my new beginning.